The Speed of Dark

Families with a member (or more) on the spectrum know how tricky holidays can be.  Holidays are not, by definition, the same as other days–and anyone who finds a change in schedule or surroundings stressful will  find holidays stressful on all counts.

The winter holiday season can be the worst–kids are out of school longer, stores are more crowded and noisier and full of sensory-overload inputs–smells, sights, sounds.  Families are expected to gather, including those parts of the family that have not yet come to terms with the reality of Autism-spectrum conditions.   “Why don’t you just make him/her–” eat that food/play with that cousin/talk/behave properly/be quiet….the demands can be harsh at the very time when other  people are (apparently) relaxing and having a good time.

Solutions?   As many as there are creative parents to devise them.  For some, avoiding those who can’t adapt and accept…for others, limiting exposure to them.    Creating a plan ahead of time helps–makes limits clear even to those who will transgress them (“Remember, I said that if you and Dad kept criticizing Joey, we would leave early.   We love you, but we also love our son.”)   Opting for fewer holiday-specific activities helps in some cases (if you have a son with absolute pitch and a love of music, do not take him to a community carol event in which many people will sing off-key until you’re sure he has the social skills not to say so right out loud, right there.)

Evading trouble is not being a wimp–it’s good planning.  Life on the spectrum offers plenty of challenges without walking into a minefield intentionally.